My avatar's name is Ava Donja of Silk and Stone.
The other me writes general market romance. I play World of Warcraft. This is where I make two parts of my life merge in sensual fantasy romance novellas.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Romance Novels as Love Making Manuals

It's been said that women should not read romance because it gives them unrealistic expectations. I disagree.

Main stream media paints the picture of the woman as the seductress luring in the defenseless male. The burden of sexiness is placed on the woman, the man just grateful to have someone paying attention to his penis besides himself. This is all male fantasy.

Reality is that most women don't think about sex that often. For a woman to be turned on it's more complicated -- and that's not because of unrealistic expectations, it's because our minds are busy. For a man to get aroused there must be oxygen in the atmosphere.

If it is reasonable for a man to pick up a woman or initiate sex by grabbing her boob, then, yes, romance novels give us unrealistic expectations. I can tell you from experience that it's not a turn on when the man goes straight from a kiss to a crotch grab. Neither is, "Hey, wanna do it?" in anyway going to make me horny. And the man wants the woman to be horny, doesn't he?

In a romance novel it is all about the seduction, the anticipation. Sure, the man's perfect body is great too, but really it's the mental arousal that gets the body in gear.  If the woman is in a sexual frame of mind, she will be more than just a willing partner who's really thinking about cleaning the bathroom. If she's into it rather than just cooperating, you'll find she initiates it herself more often.

My recommendation? Men should read romance novels. Ladies, if you read something you find particularly hot, share it with your guy. AND guys, don't mock it. If it turns her on, it's worth your time. You may not have known that she loved the idea of being in front of a mirror or in an open window. Maybe you didn't realize that little nips on the ear lobe were sensual. You won't know unless you are part of the same world she is. If she reads romance, obviously she likes it. It's true, the sex scene isn't just a paragraph, it's ten pages -- but that alone should tell you something.

I don't think women have unrealistic expectations, I think men should step up. Use the romance novel as a how-to manual. Probably too much information, but after my man read (in effort to help me edit) Mind, Body, and Spirit, some awesomeness happened that still makes me smile.


klahanie said...

One moment please. Okay, I've been taking notes. And this multitasking dude (yes, you read correctly :)), will have a go at reading a romance novel. That would be, and here's the proof of my multitasking, while drinking a cup of coffee and thinking about sex every six seconds....
Take care and happy writing. I'm off to check out a romance 'manual' :)

Erin Kane Spock said...

LOL! That was beautiful. My husband read part of a romance years before I started writing them and then started adding unnecessary adjectives to every noun in he emails to me (which is why I love your book cover for the manual).
BTW, bought your book!

Raquel Byrnes said...

Bahaha! "...isn't just a paragraph, it's ten pages -- but that alone should tell you something." Love it! Great post!

alexia said...

OMG, Raquel took the words right out of my mouth! I was going to say that exact same thing!

Nice to meet you! Thanks for finding me through Matt's blog.